Aphelia by Nicol Mikella

Author:Nicol Mikella [Mikella, Nicol]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781550655254
Publisher: Véhicule Press
Published: 2019-04-14T22:00:00+00:00

Five

There was always someone in the metro who looked like her. I often thought I saw her in another car, through the dirty plastic windows where people had used a key to carve messages. She would enter the train car as I was leaving it, passing through bodies and muddled murmurs. I would see a redheaded woman pass through the crowd in a flash. Time was distorted—it flowed differently. Out of fear of what could happen, I pushed away the possibility of another encounter, but we kept corresponding. The desire to see her again was unbearable. I wanted to talk about her, but I felt like I was lying if I said my friend. I didn’t have the right words. But the feelings, yes. I would content myself by innocently saying her name, Mia.

I went outside into the open air. The people passing were bathed in sunlight, but the heat was less all-encompassing that day, a welcome respite. I wasn’t wearing any makeup and I offered myself up to everyone in the hopes someone would take me. On the street, I met the eyes of men. They watched me watching them. I needed a lot of concentration to find Mia everywhere she was hiding, in the trees, at the ends of alleys, in the middle of the park, in the pond. I sat down facing the water.

Julien came up behind me with our picnic. I often used to come here with B. What a weird idea, to go to the same places as before, but with someone else. To keep going as if there’d never been a breakup. Julien sat down and pulled me to him. I closed my eyes. For a second, I believed it would be the thin, brown arms of B. that would catch me. I curled my entire body against Julien’s. He rested his chin on my head. I caressed his arms, my hands catching on the fabric of his shirt. We started eating and drinking wine, using utensils and disposable cups. He’d come directly from the office, and he apologized for having left me alone for another Sunday. Sitting on the grass in his ironed clothes, he had a strange effect on me. After dinner, he started collecting the leftover food. He got up so we could go, but I asked him to stay a little longer. It had been an eternity since we’d contemplated the calmness of the night together.

“You don’t go out with Louis anymore?” he asked suddenly, like he’d finally just noticed what had changed in my life.

“I’m tired these days.”

Julien agreed, happy. Without ever opposing them, he’d never loved those Friday nights when I didn’t reply to his text messages, and when I would come home at dawn making too much noise. He came near me to kiss me, but I avoided his mouth. Instead I slipped my face along his his neck and kissed his collarbone. I looked at the ground over his shoulder, then everything became blurred by tears. I cleared my throat.

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